<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>In Which Karkat Screams 2 Minutes Later by dataEcto</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27830797">In Which Karkat Screams 2 Minutes Later</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dataEcto/pseuds/dataEcto'>dataEcto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:41:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27830797</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dataEcto/pseuds/dataEcto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Roxy have a briefer conversation. Karkat doesn't find Calliope's little meat surprises until 2 minutes later.</p><p>An alternative take Homestuck^2's "okay so there's this flower" update.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Which Karkat Screams 2 Minutes Later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I like Homestuck^2 quite a bit but there's a lot of choices in terms of writing that make me annoyed more than anything. Annoyed enough to want to make an ao3 account and post my own What If.</p><p>This isn't meant to mock the Homestuck^2 team or anyone who enjoyed the update. I wish I were you.</p><p>Also, this is my first time really writing Homestuck fanfiction and I don't mean to make this a regular thing, but do let me know what you think of my takes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="roxy">ROXY: u are all probably hells of wonderin why I gathered u all here today…</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i am literally the only person here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but okay I guess</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: my b jade is right there</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then again shes twenty five nautical feet away and not even paying attention to us</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just reading a magical science book about shiitake</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: seriously tho glad to have you back dogg</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: actually whatever happened there</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do we know what happened there</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: dave</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do we WANT to know what happened there</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: dave.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: I mean I get it you get possessed by the embodiment of space and then you threaten to eat some chocolate/peanut butter combo and now youre back in control</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: DAVE!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that’s me</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: okay look I called u here to discuss some very important matters</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so you didn’t call for everyone and just went for me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im hurt truly</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: could have saved that situation by pretending to be talking to everyone and sideline some dave specific comments</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cue moment where I glance at jade eyebrows raised wondering is he talking bout me in a worried whisper</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: speaking of which jade really isn’t coming over huh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not even going to be our doggy mediator </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay fine im a big enough man whose gone through a lot I can handle this on my own</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks for the thumbs up jade</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you stay there and get comfy I know jakes shitty furniture pile is the most comfortable seat in the house</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: dave my guy</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: gotta stay on task</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: roxy my guy</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i love and respect you so much but you got to realize the absurdity of those last (one-two-three) four words you just said to me</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: okay thats on me lol</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: look before you do ur cute little raps we need to talk about uh</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ship etiquette</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what is this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: “A very special demi-bi-monthly update”?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: weve been on this ship powered by jakes former sense of ego for ages and only now you wanna talk some TOS</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: id just like to say if anything you and i need to have a talk about YOUR ship etiquette</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: example calling meetings for “everyone” when theyre really just “lets call dave out” meetings</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: look i didnt MEAN to say it like that</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: i just always wanted to start a meetin with “u are all probably hells of wonderin why I gathered u all here today” as a little tension breaker</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay fair consider the tension broken</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: anymore tropes you want to bring up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ill pull up the tv tropes^2 webpage right now</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: its a little trope called “dave and karkat settle down on the pda”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: which movie is that from</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: im being serious!!</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: sort of </span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: okay honestly I have something more pressin to say but this is mainly for my own sanity</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: i just wanna do stuff like my laundry without potensh walkin in on wo of my bffs going whole assed ham on top of some socks</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: every</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: single</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: idk what youre talking about</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre usually so supportive</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i cant believe it my own flesh and blood</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: my own brother/father</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: homophobic!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well hmm actually…</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ur stalling</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: we can get back to dirk later on </span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: but im being fr here </span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: im not actually mad or anything but still i have my own feelings too u know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE:</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY:</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay now usually i would deflect your statement and go on a tangent</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i truly have been doing some thinking ever since i talked to karkat about stuff</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: which you ironically are complaining about</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: eitherway it led me to come to a lot of conclusions</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so im willing to entertain the notion that i may be in the wrong here with multiple things</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: wait rlly</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah sure</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: me with karkat are important to me too obviously</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so I can rein it in for my brother/father over here </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just uh let me know if I falter a bit</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yeah will do thank you so much</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man im like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a saint over here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a saint for a god of rhyme and time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that’s me im the god of rhyme and time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: though its not like im using the time stuff anymore</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not since…</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: The Noodle Incident</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: see thats me using a trope</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: okay before u go on </span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: were making good progress here</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: and like i said there is another actual thing I wanted 2 discuss</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: bout u know who</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: Voldemort</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: ur deflectin again</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you havent mentioned wizards once this conversation so im going to have to assume its he who shall not be named.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: srsly dave</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sorry</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: its about</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: you know</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: dirk</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay shoot</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: what are we going to do</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: were gonna catch up with him that’s what were doing</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: not what i meant</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: when we do catch up what are we going to do with him</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we will see what the occasion calls for </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and we will see if we can rise to it</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: what do u mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok so theres this flower</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: i know about the flower story already</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so you get it right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the story is what you make it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so in this case maybe we are assigning this cosmic importance to things that don’t need metatextual meaning</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: well I mean I rly don’t think that’s the point of the story tbh</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: its not that deep its just a nice little story</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay then what about this journey then</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do you think dirk’s right about this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are we just a story that needs a villain to chase</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are we heroes rescuing a damsel in distress</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: or are just people doing things that feel right at the time</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: idk if hes 100 percent right this is dirk were talkin about here</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: but to be fair our lives have just been a series of arcs</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: and rn we r basically chasing a villain trying to save a damsel </span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: idc whose right or not I just want everyone to sort it out</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: hunky dory</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but thats not what youre asking</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: shit guess im deflectin now</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: what I wanna know is</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: do u think u can kill him</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: if it comes to it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: look i dont really want to kill anyone</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: when we played the game we killed a fuck ton of video game like construct monsters</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but other people? damn</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: I mean I avoided doing that shit mainly because I saw too many dead mes to know it really aint my thing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah I technically killed dirk that one time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the whole decapitation thing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it lead to some really funny memes afterwards</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but honestly at the moment it made me feel sick to hurt him like that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: he probably would have attributed some sort of tropey reason for why it was a good thing I “killed” him like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: “it was a good death because we defeated the villain”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but take it from me brodad</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: there really isn’t such thing as a good death</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: wow</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: dave i-</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: sorry wtf was that</span></p><p>
  <span></span>
</p><p>
  <span></span><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading</p><p>listen like I said at the start, this isn't me wanting to make fun of the Homestuck^2 team. They're a team filled with people who have proven their worth and I'm just a gal who was angry enough to write this at 2 am without knowing it</p><p>still want to post it regardless so yeah! stay safe out there</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>